It has been 3 months since I wrote something for this blog — my apologies, to myself and also to my audience. I don’t have any excuses for it.
One good thing is I still keep adding things to my writing notes. Here are some of them, in no particular order.
1. You should speak up more
I really hate hearing this.
I understand some people say this because they want the best for me, for us, for women like us. But I’m also not generalizing to say women probably get these comments much more often than men.
This is based on an assumption that women do not speak up even though they want to.
Imagine if it is, that we don’t speak whenever we have this urge to. Then’s what’s the problem? There’s probably something holding us back.
Internal fear, external threats in the environment. It could be anything.
In such scenario, wouldn’t it be better if one actually invites the other to speak, rather than making that comment?
Telling people to speak up puts the sole responsibility of eliminating any of these factors — fear, intimidation, anxiety — on the only one being affected.
Before asking: “why don’t you speak more?”, try asking: “what could I have done to invite them to speak?”
And as surprising as it may sound, we don’t always have to want to speak.
Personally, I enjoy listening to people before I say anything. It gives me all the data points before making my own judgement.
It gives me a sense of what the issue really is before giving a solution. And generally speaking, who doesn’t like listening to a good story?
Imagine having a guy in a meeting who listens more than he speaks. What are the chances he will be told to speak up more?
From what I’ve observed around here, it’s likely he will be left alone in peace with the way he does things. He will speak when he wants to.
And I will speak when I want to.
2. You could always do it, even before they told you so
Working long hours at these jobs could be rather tricky. Why?
The system is designed in a certain way that your definition of “progress” comes from working hard for the next promotion.
Literally the only moment you get serotonin is when your boss said “good job” on something you spent your evening working on.
The remaining of time is spent on resting and recovering from work.
It’s shit, but it’s true.
When my life revolves around work, I don’t have time to write and hence, getting the joy from the non-work aspects of my life.
When you already dedicate so much time to work, you tell yourself: “I might as well aim for the next position if I’m already working so hard”.
It’s true, but I could also have said: “I’m working so much, maybe I should take a step back and say no at times to protect my well-being”.
I forgot there are more one way to think about things.
I forgot how fun it was to just write down all the weird thoughts bubbling in my head and share with you guys.
To learn that I’m not the only one who has anxiety, struggling at adulting and finding my path in this world.
Just because someone said “You are killing it”, doesn’t mean I have to keep “killing it”. If you enjoy the work, go on.
If you prioritize other things, it’s fine to take a step back.
In an environment when the culture revolves around long hours and progression long enough, it’s easy to forget that it’s always a choice.
All we need to do is to become aware, mindful of our own need, and ask for it when the time comes.
3. The right age for women to get married is when she has an abundant life
I’m sure I’m not the only one who got asked: When are you going to get married? Why are you not married yet?
And I’m 26. Jesus christ — leave a woman alone.
2 generations back, our grandmother probably heard this at the age of 16.
The milestone that defined a woman was when she was biologically ready to be a mother. In other words, fertile.
1 or 2 generations after, the age of getting question was extended to 18 or 20. There was a little bit more access to education, particularly high school.
You are defined as your own person the moment you completed that one milestone: graduating high school.
Our generation, many things have changed: high school is a given, access to the job market is rather open to both men and women.
Because of that, a milestone is no longer getting that degree or that first job. To me, it is building a life that I could center myself before a relationship:
Friendship, family, my own hobbies, my own money, and maybe many other things that I have yet to discovered.
That’s it. That has been some of my 2 cents in the last few months that I have wanted to share with you all.
Have I got this all figured out and know how to preserve my personal space amid this busy job? Hell no. Really, I struggle a lot.
But I do hope to be able to bring myself back to this space back more often in the future — as a progress for myself, and as the promise to those who have read my writing from the beginning.
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