Leaving, however, is not that easy. These are the three stages I went through, ending my friendship with a narcissist.
1. Struggling
It is never easy to leave anybody, especially if you care. It’s even harder when you did have some good times together. Remember how they once showered you with so much love and care, and you did not see the ugliness, yet?
Thing is, if were ugly from the beginning, these people were probably not that dangerous. It was the manipulation, the unpredictability, the guilt-tripping that hid so well how the depth of their despair was slowly becoming yours.
So, sometimes you have to. Nothing is worth making you doubt your precious self. You have to admit to yourself: I am not a saint. I cannot save people from their own darkness when they don’t even want to.
This girl literally blurted out to me how THERAPY is just a scam. I should have known this was the biggest red flag of them all.
Those who talk bad about people, how could I expect them to stay loyal to me? Those who despise themselves, how could I expect them to know how to love?
I thought it was my fear of confrontation that made me shaken up every time trying to tell her how I felt. I thought it was my commitment issues that made the idea of continuing that friendship unbearable. Looking back, no one who truly loved me ever made me that scared, afraid to speak up, and at one point, avoid at all cost.
2. Leaving
I blamed myself for leaving abruptly, but can ending a friendship with a narcissist ever not be? I saw how the cycle was for every effort to communicate: gaslighting, guilt-tripping, all the emotional outburst. For they once shared so much of their darkness, they probably know just as much about yours.
If I could go back in time, I wish I had saved my breath. While I was contemplating for one last time whether or not I should stay, they already used my darkness against me: all the hurtful words, all the personal scars. They know this time is real, so they freak out and make their last efforts to hurt you, hoping that you will never be the same: loving, giving, whole.
If you can’t be with them, at least you can become them: self-loathing, void, and forever unlovable.
3. Healing
They were not entirely wrong, the healing sometimes takes longer than the hurting. It’s fine though.
You will never be the same, because you will be an even happier, and more resilient version of yourself.
I used to be so lucky with friendships that all I met turned out to be amazing people. Now, I realized it’s not always the case.
I learn to be selective, and more patient with people: for the egocentric ones to show their true colors, and also for the kind and genuine ones to prove themselves through time.
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