Being good at something is knowing that you need to start by being bad
I cried for the first time at my new job last week. Yup, the day we have all been waiting for.
I have cried at work before.
My first year in Hong Kong, I cried in the bathroom at work for 5 minutes then dried my tears for 2 before going straight into a meeting.
I was the only “expat” in a 600-local-employee-only company in Hong Kong. Everyone’s life was confined in cubes — at home and at work.
It was hard finding my way through that for a year.
Leaving Hong Kong for Singapore wasn’t easy. It was the move I longed for, but many things felt like they could have ended on a different note.
I realized the number of friends I had was much smaller than what I thought it was. People had their own agenda, and it took me too long to see it through.
If you have read my blog, you know how much I cried my first few months in Singapore. I remember throwing out baskets of tissue while holding a frozen spoon to ease my puffy eyes, a few days in a row.
Overwhelmed by work, broken by a departing lover, isolating from my own home and family by CoVid. It was not a pretty situation.
The funny thing is: Before the age of 24, I almost never cried
My best friend and I used to joke about this a lot. We cried maybe once a year — when watching a romantic series on Netflix.
Little did I know, I was saving all the tears for my late 20s.
It’s strange to say that I’m turning 27 this year. Strange. Somehow, I always thought I’m still that 18 year-old me, packing my bag and going to Europe for the first time, dropped at school by my brother.
There was something free and fearless about those years. I not just navigated a new life, but I built a whole circle of some of the best people I have ever me.
I used to think back and reminisce those days a lot. I told myself: “I wish I could become the same old me before Hong Kong”. I asked myself: “What exactly changed? Since when did I let doubts and fears creep in?”
It took a while for me to realize: it’s only natural that one grows up and sheds part of themselves, to make spaces for the things that help them deal with life later on.
Without my experience, I would not have been able to see things through, then and now.
School is different environment compared to work. You pay the school to give you knowledge and an enjoyable time through courses, on-campus activities, a set of people who likely had very similar mindset.
Work is different. You are paid to perform whatever the role and responsibilities that you signed up for. Money flows the other direction, you feel disposable, hence the stress and needs for validation.
School was easy, so I thought life would be the same: there are hiccups, but as long as you prepare well, you can do it.
What I struggled the most when I first started was the expectation that I need to prepare myself to overcome all the hard things.
Before a new project, I would read, think, and plan unnecessarily too much on the topic. I end up overloading myself while getting frustrated why things don’t go certain ways.
Now, I know one thing
It takes time to be good at something you don’t know. It takes being bad at it to become excellent at it.
I can’t spend all the time worrying and reading and thinking about how to prepare myself for something new.
Sometimes, the only way to know is by doing it. And very likely, you are going to suck at first.
Being at the place that I am today, I forgot how I started by being a mess in many aspects of life.
- Before being my own advocate, I was stuck in relationships that made me doubt my own worth.
- Before meeting the amazing people in countries I lived in, I was not sure if studying overseas was an option.
- Before having this immaculate fashion sense, I was a clown trying to draw my own eyebrows and only wearing crop tops and flares.
Looking back, it’s ridiculous some of the stuffs I had done. But they got me to where I am today. Some people start from the destination itself.
I didn’t — and I’d like to think that it’ll get me far in this life. Most of the time, when you’re at the end goal, there’s always a new one coming in sight.
We hit reset, and we start being sh*t at something new all over again.
Instagram: @lifewithmido | Medium: Mido
You can directly subscribe to my Medium here
In case you have any questions or suggestions, let me know here.
