The other day, my training coach talked about how she used to ask for advice and permission for almost everything. From the minor everyday things like what to eat and who to date, to the major decisions like quitting a job.
I’m sure many of us can relate, especially if you have just entered adulthood. It is as if without some sort of reassurance, even permission, your own will and instincts feel too weak to push you into actions.
Sure, the bigger things in life might need an extra perspective to hedge the risks. But truly, even then, who would know you better than you know yourself?
Well, here are the 3 reasons why it might be the time we stop asking for permission.
1. No one knows anyways, including our parents
As babies, our parents were the anchor of our truth — what is right and what is wrong, as much as for our everyday life — where we go to school, whom we should hang out with.
As we grow and look back into our childhood, their mistakes slowly start to show: their own emotional outbursts, the projected trust issues, their downfalls in career and relationship alike.
And hey, let’s not put it fully on them. Even the ones we admire out in society — they also just know what they have seen. I get feedback and advice from my supervisor. He receives the same thing from his supervisor.
And to be fair, your needs are unique to your background and experiences through life. Even identical twins might have vastly distinct personality and life paths.
Who would really know what you truly want and how to best get there, if not you?
2. Maybe it’s time to believe in yourself
It sounds cliché, but come on, you have made it this far.
We started this life knowing to do barely anything. Our parents changed our diapers. Our teachers taught us the first letter. Our school taught us to work hard and navigate people.
Because knowledge and guidance came from the outside, we didn’t see how to do it from the inside. Our instincts were deemed as overthinking. Our truth deemed as loud demands asking for too much.
Permission culture started from parents just merely looking out for us, but then continued by authority structure at school, work. At one point, we internalized it before we even realized.
It takes time and experience to harness the belief in oneself.
Progress teaches us that we are capable. Mistakes teach us that even when things go wrong, we can fix them.
3. It’s okay to make the wrong decision
That was the biggest lesson I have learned about myself:
No matter what goes wrong, I can always bounce back.
It’s like going to gym. There will be bad days, months where we feel too exhausted to move. To exercise is to train your body to recover from such periods. Even if I stop for a while, I always know how to get back in shape.
The same goes for life experiences. The fact that I went through failures, breakups and rejections doesn’t guarantee a smooth-sailing life ahead. If anything, I have proportionately twice as much time, and twice as much things that could go wrong.
It sounds scary, doesn’t it? But for the first time in my life, I feel quite certain about the time ahead. I still don’t know what exact jobs I’m going to have, who my “the one” is, and where I am going to settle down.
But I know for sure that I will always know how to cope. I will take breaks when my body feels like it. I will distance from the ones that makes me feel drained. I will reach out to my friends and family whenever I need that extra help.
Obsessed with making the perfect choices and crafting the perfect life, we ask everyone for their opinions. Knowing there’s no such thing as the perfect life, we might as well just go for whatever our hearts feel like.
- If I want to write and start a blog, I just create an account for it.
- If I want to reach out to someone I admire to learn about their experience, I’ll just write them a message.
- If I don’t want to hear certain noise and negativity, I just don’t engage.
After all this time, I finally loosen up myself.
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