Truly. Let me tell you the types of impulse I went for in my early 20s and how I manage them now.
1. Impulse to get in a situationship / relationship with someone you saw the “spark” with
I finally understand that love is not the initial feeling, it is a commitment to actively, consistently choose each other.
For that, only time can tell if a person is suitable.
2. Impulse to buy the crazy expensive things you see online
I have always liked nice things. So after my pay day, I always feel this urge to get that “wish-list” because I deserve it.
It’s true, but I forgot how personal finance work:
If I keep upgrading the things I spend on as my salary grows bigger, I end up with the same balance in my bank account as when I first started.
3. Impulse to say yes to last-minute plans
I mean, sometimes things sound so good and fun at the moment.
Thing is, there are usually plans that already existed before or after your last minute-plan.
Because of that, we end up depleted of energy after completing all of them. Last-minute plans don’t turn out as fun as we thought they would.
4. Impulse to order more drinks because the conversation flows so well
I was guilty of this. Even now, once in a blue moon, I might still decide to go for a few more drinks.
I only do that when I have checked the two criteria: Is it already late? And do I have work tomorrow?
It’s fair to have a drink and end the nigh early. But if it’s already late and I have to start at 8 the day after, I would 1000% regret it.
I’d rather end the fun early, than feeling like sh*t for the next 24 hours after I wake up.
5. Impulse to pack up and move whenever you have an opportunity to
I loved traveling. Maybe because I didn’t get many chances to when I was younger. It took me 8 relocations to realize it’s time to take a rest.
Part of the reason I kept relocating was because: when the opportunity presented itself, I took it, thinking I would never have that again.
Having worked and built my credentials for the last few years, I know there are always chances to do so.
Sometimes you have to wait, but eventually, if you plan for it, it will happen. Because of that, I will think twice before saying yes to a new move.
Is it worth the mental stress, efforts to rebuild my life, and logistical complexity?
If it is, you might see me on the other side of the world again.
6. Impulse to down cups of coffee and smoke a few cigs when work gets stressful
Coffee kept me awake throughout the day. Smoking allowed me to take a break but still doing “something”. The idea of just sitting down, taking a few deep breaths felt pretentious and awkward.
My body felt it eventually. I went to bed just to stay awake till my alarm went off. I was exhausted but the only solution I knew was making it worse.
I decided it was time to find something that prepare myself for the full day of work, not just a quick fix.
3 meals a day. Sleep after work is done. No drinks during weekdays. Breath and remind myself of my presence when anxiety creeps in.
And to be honest, it made week working at this labour-demanding long-hour job rather manageable. I feel calm, at peace, and stable.
7. Impulse to react the moment you feel something
I used to take pride in being “straight-forward” with my opinions. Truth is, it was easier to let my feelings out in the moment instead of sitting with it.
The danger of this goes two ways.
First, if the person intentionally upset you, they want a reaction. Put on the spot, the one you give is likely to be backed by emotions more than logic.
By taking time, you get to gather your facts. Compose yourself. Plan your talk. And most importantly, hold them accountable.
Second, if the person was not aware they were upsetting you, having time will help understand:
- Were they were unreasonable or you were triggered by something else in the past?
- If the former, then how to bring it up without burning bridges. After all, they didn’t mean any harm.
8. Impulse to listen to whatever your mind is telling you. Never sitting down and ask yourself: Is it really true?
Damn, even now I am struggling with this. The only difference is I am more aware of what’s happening.
Earlier in my 20s, I didn’t know the difference between “thoughts” and “reality”. Because my reality was real, so were my thoughts.
At least that’s what I thought. I was surprised to learn from a friend that: I can learn to interrupt my own thoughts, by auditing them myself.
“Am I really incapable and do not deserve where I am right now?” — No. I have proven myself and my capabilities through milestone after milestone.
“Did I really eff up everything the last week by making a mistake?” — No. The week was great. I learnt so much within just 5 days. One set back is not going to change that.
9. Impulse to say “Good” when people ask “How are you?”
Urgh. It’s like a conditional reaction. Maybe it’s worse for us non-native speaker. Literally, the first thing we learned in English class was that:
When people ask “How are you?” — you say “I’m fine. Thank you”. It seemed to be the only acceptable answer to that question.
Thing is, a lot of times, I am not. It’s not that I’m being pessimistic, it’s just that adulting means more responsibilities and hence, higher stress level.
Saying “I am fine” means I am in-validating my own feelings. It also means that the ones who could possibly help, they won’t know know that I need it.
10. Impulse to do things you usually don’t do just because people are looking
You know how “cool” people are supposed to look a certain way, to have certain thoughts about certain things. At least that’s what I thought.
I thought dating apps meant desperation. I didn’t let people know that I am on them. Or if I did, I told them I was just playing around.
I thought having never had a boyfriend is lame. I tried to count my flings as something serious when people asked.
I thought liking to take ride-hailing motorbike is a loser move when you friends are driving a car. I booked GrabCar after hanging out with them while I never did that on my own.
Now, I tell people I am on dating apps. That I never had a serious boyfriend before. And that I like taking motorbike rides. And I love that for me
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